life lately
on expanding the story of my life
What have I been up to since I’ve taken an extended time away from social media? Learning how to live a fuller life, I guess.
It’s not been an easy thing for me to do, choose to live more fully. It means more discomfort for a start. But it’s also allowed me to experience life like I never thought possible. I’m doing new things, meeting new people, learning more about myself and what matters to me every day. I never realised there was so much to the person I am.
However, I also didn’t realise how much my ways of coping through my trauma responses, my problem stories and addictions hid many possibilities of my life from me. You never recognise how small your life becomes when you live it for everyone else in the hopes of finally being accepted by others.
These systems can shrink you into a version of yourself you never thought existed. The irony is never lost on me that the more I’ve learned to accept myself, the more I’ve been accepted by those who matter most to me. Perhaps I’ve spent so long offline learning what it means to be myself, rather than being stuck in the stories of who I was expected to be.
But one of the ways I push back against this narrative is in following what brings me a sense of freedom, satisfaction and ease. These states ultimately feel like roads back to myself.
Five things that are helping me do this right now are:
1. Going to the gym or doing movement. It keeps me grounded and supports my focus and self-esteem, while contributing to my felt sense of safety. There’s so much about the gym that keeps my neurodivergence happy too: tracking repetitions, proprioception, musical stims. No one talks to me. What’s not to love?!
2. A year ago, I learned how to play field hockey, and it’s been the highlight of my week ever since. There’s something very healing about doing something for your inner teen. I ten out of ten recommended trying to do that thing you always wanted to do for yourself when you were young but your parents didn’t let you (example: I got asked to play on the field hockey team as a teen but my parents wouldn’t let me because of practice times and I regretted it).
3. Learning to meditate is possible, and for me, it’s been life-changing. I’m not using the phrase “life-changing” lightly here, either. I could write posts upon posts about meditation. And remember, I’m neurodivergent and could still learn to meditate! I can show you too.
4. I’m learning to notice foods that fuel my body without diving into eating disorder behaviours. It’s a daily (sometimes every meal time) challenge for me, but so far, the results have been worth it.
5. As the world crumbles around us, I work harder to learn what I need to be a better human, so I can be of service to my in-person community and the people around me. That’s one thing I know can make a real difference.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the things that have supported me most are practices that cultivate stronger connections with my mind, body, spirit, the natural world and my immediate community. Lives rooted in moving towards connection will always be ones worth living. And become the thing that creates sustainable change in our world.
What’s bringing you back to yourself lately?
PS. Another practice I have is my journaling and let me tell you how pleased I am with my new journal I created, Keystone: A Colouring Embodiment Journal. I’ve got 9 free pages to share with you now!
Okay, where are adults playing field hockey!? I quit after tenth grade because I felt I had to prioritize working more hours at my part-time job. I miss team sports a lot and while I love going to the gym and doing group stuff there, it's not the same as playing an actual game on a team. I think about field hockey from time to time but always thought I was kind of too old to play again! Thanks for the reminder I actually may not be ;)