Making Friends and ADHD
Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash
Even with a diagnosis and medication and coaching and becoming more aware of who I am and understanding more of what matters to me, making friends (and maintaining friendships) is still a huge challenge. But what I’m learning in my very, very, very tiny babysteps towards making connections with others, is I am very, very, very cautious about who gets close to me. This is most likely because of the trauma I had growing up. But I also think it’s that heightened emotional ADHD part of me too, because with each friendship I would pour my heart into it and often it would just end, feeling like a betrayal of sorts. I struggled to trust people and over time actively hid more and more of who I was, but now I see that I didn’t really trust myself either.
I went to great lengths to appear ‘normal’ and relished in every chance I could get to be ‘in’ with people, like I belonged, just waiting to be chosen, and taking that approval from others to mean that I could approve myself. Now I venture out into new territory as I begin to reach out to people and start choosing for me.
This takes a lot of work from me though. So far this is what I’ve been trying to do to put myself out there a bit more...
understanding more about myself and what I value
starting to think about my boundaries (right now admittedly they are more like walls)
considering the kinds of people and energy I want to be around
practicing saying ‘no’
practicing saying ‘yes’
giving myself time to think before I commit to anything
knowing it’s OK to let go of people that aren’t right for me
remembering that not all people I try to meet want to meet me and that’s not always about me
going at my own pace and doing what feels right for me
This is very much a work in progress. Therapy and coaching will no doubt play a role in this for me as I learn to get passed the fears I have in this part of my ADHD growth. But this is better than a few months ago and I’m grateful for that. Baby steps forward are still forward, right?