0:00 Once I embraced my own labels, categories and identifications, I mean truly embraced them, and got my family, friends and colleagues on board. I almost didn't need them anymore. Once I learned about them, I adjusted, we all adjusted. And now I have a thriving life, meltdowns in all. 0:17 Hey there, you're listening to the ADHD Good Life Podcast. Each week, we explore stories, ideas, or topics around neurodiversity from an intersectional lens, and the personal growth strategies we found most helpful in transforming our lives. I'm your host Sandra. I'm a wife, mother, writer, coach, and educational specialist. I'm also a black,cisgender woman transracial adoptee and fellow neurodiversity after my own ADHD diagnosis. And just like you, I'm learning, I'm learning and feeling so I could step into my uniqueness and create a life that truly allows me to flourish. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. You ready? Alright, let's get started. 0:58 Hey, everyone, Welcome Episode Five, of my podcast. It's a little bit different because I'm going to be doing a book review. I really liked this book, otherwise, I probably would not bother doing a book review. 1:10 It's called Divergent Mind: thriving in a world that wasn't designed for you. And it's by Jenara Nerenberg. I know it's her first book, and I found it really interesting. She talks about neuro diversity from a lens of the heightened sensitivities that go through a lot of different conditions that are under the neurodiversity kind of lens. And we're gonna talk about which one she talks about a second. I also really liked about this book is that she right off the start says it's for women, and it's needed for women because our narrative and voice are completely void from any of the conversations around mental health. And that's a problem because when our experiences and our symptoms are not shown in what is used to diagnosis or how we can explain what we're going through, we end up being diagnosed for stuff that kind of fits, but not really. And that happens to women all over Jenera is no different. She's just like us, she got diagnosed with anxiety first. And then later on as an adult finds out holy shit is actually ADHD and autism. 2:24 And that's kind of her journey throughout this whole book, but a little bit differently because she talks about herself in his book. But what's been really awesome in this is that she also interviews a lot of women who have a lot of different neuro diversity conditions that many of us have. And that's what I liked about it, too, was that I could hear about other people that had ADHD and be like, Oh, yes, that's exactly it. Which again, like as women, we need that because all we're hearing is the white male, middle class, old versions that really kind of That's kind of not. That's one part that she talks about in her book too about like, it's horrible that, you know, we're not included in this. And it changes how we can show up in society and how we have so much pressure on us because of what society expects from us as women. I'm going to talk a little bit about what I liked about the book, I'm going to read a few bits that I liked as well. And then I'll just end with some tips like I normally do. So in this book, basically, she bases it around five neuro types. So the highly sensitive person and that was a book that Elaine Aron wrote in 1996, titled A highly sensitive person, and she has these characteristic depths of processing of external information, like sensory processing sensitivity. A lot of women really relate to that. I think that's where like the whole empath thing kind of came from. I don't know anyone uses the term empath. I know that she's coined The term HSP though. So that's one. And she looks at ADHD, autism and aspie type synesthesia and sensory processing disorder. She looks at how we have an understanding insight into whatever it is that we have that can be applied to our daily lives and into society as a whole. See, because without that, you know, we've spent our whole lives as women, you know, masking and a lot of times women realise that we're masking it because we know we've been socialised to fit in. So we pick up on those cues. And so because of that, we get missed. You know, the story we live shame and we spend trying to fit the box that actually doesn't even really suit us or fit us anyways. So in writing this book, she says she wants to empower women to come forward and be seen better understand themselves and proudly claim their identities. Yes, God that is brilliant, for sure. The things I really love, and some of this is going to be me opening up the book and flipping stuff. I'm not sure how people prep for book review stuff. So bear with me if you hear my book opening up and stuff like that. But what I love is that she's like, we got to stop using the term disorder and stop pathologizing all the differences, so that we can see, like human brain diversity from this positive lens, this lens of creativity and innovation and human flourishing, that our brains are diverse. It's not just one set brain, we can look at things entirely different. We can see concepts that others can't see. And through that, we can actually understand a new idea of what it means to be human. Because that's what it is. So many of us are marginalised and victimised, you know, because of white supremacy and being put in boxes. We have to change that, you know, what I liked about this is that she's talked about how women have always been missing from the conversations about mental health, and neurodiversity. And that sensitivity, however, that looks is not an honoured part of the human experience. And so women hide it is a traumatic thing. The whole perspective of women in mental health, it's been missing, it's missing from work culture, it's been missing from decisions that have been made about the world and how it runs. And it's a form of trauma, because it's a pressing as violating. And when you suffer from heightened sensitivities, then you were just even more aware, and it's more suffering of processing that. 6:57 Also, she points out that you If you're in a marginalised group because of race or class, all of that is worse because in marginalised groups have saved all. So what Jenera has done here is taken a lot of stories from real life women, specialists, couples, explains the impact of their sensitivities. And I love that she really stresses that it's not us that needs to change is women are not broken. It's this environment in society need to look at reframing sensitivities, and look at it as opportunity. It talks about how in medicine theories are based on sameness and everything has to fit a category and if you want to have your insurance pay, then it has to be a diagnosis that fits on the insurance card and things like that. So women are left out of diagnosis because it doesn't fit them or they're just squeezed in two different boxes. Don't get them either, because we're not up part of the conversation, and it's very, very damaging. 8:05 So, her book looks at how she wants to flip the script on this conversation about neurodiversity and sensitivities. As she calls a book, named 'Mad in America, science, psychiatry and social justice, by Robert Redford, actually, and he uses sensitivities as potential problem solvers, and urges that we as a society keep sensitivities healthy and intact. And this idea is essential to flipping the script on sensitivities and neuro divergence. That is, thinking about the modifications that we can make to how our world operates, rather than to the individuals who make up the world. And since women have been so fundamentally missing from helping to shape, larger societal structures, and the fields of Psychology and Medicine is likely that inclusion holds the key to helping to bring wholeness to a fractured culture, a softening of our defences against sensitivity, and a thriving life to neurodivergent women and men everywhere. Well, brilliant. 9:18 There's a big chunk of the book that talks about the different neurodivergent types and how to cope with them. There is lots of lists for different symptoms. The personal stories help as well because they really show what the sensory challenges are like. And I found that part to be really, really eye opening for me, and especially for someone who identifies as in ADHD. I really wanted to share a couple parts that really were like, Whoa, like, that's exactly it. And I think that anyone has he will be like, oh my god. So Right likes about this part was that she really breaks down what sensitivity looks like for people with ADHD. 10:08 And she writes it down here. Sensitivity among people with ADHD is fascinating, important and markedly different from that seen in HSP or autism. I think of sensitivity within ADHD as having two parts. First, there is a deep curiosity about and sensitivity to new information and stimuli and experience not too different from that of a be driven to discover all available pollen. 10:35 Second, there is a sensitivity that results from being ADHD, especially if it's been unknown, where people become sensitive to criticism and being judged. It's hard to do well at some times, and then at other times feel like a total failure for being late missing an appointment missing a deadline, getting dates or times confused, or other results of having a challenge prefrontal cortex and struggling executive function. There's also a sensitivity to ourselves, our own emotions, regulating those emotions and not being so hard on ourselves. She talks to a woman named Stephanie and her experience of this sensory processing was really really, I was like, Oh my God, that's totally me. And she just identifies as having ADHD and describes several sensory processing differences that dominate her life. 'Daily charring noises, I find it very upsetting. She tells me I'd go on information overload faster than sensory overload, which is why shopping malls are incredibly difficult for me.The shiny lights and the boxes and prices. I forget that I have a list and just go look at stuff and absorb information, like the patterns and colours and the way they were arranged is not upsetting when I'm bombarded by sensory information. It's pleasurable. I enjoy it. But when I have to actually process all of it, I feel exhausted.' That's amazing. I definitely felt that. But I could never put it into words until I read that part. 12:17 I really liked the next part that she talks about in her book when she looks at well being and she divides this up into different categories. Over she starts with the self and talks about having like a sensory compatible lifestyle. She has these action tips that you can do to take care of yourself and better understanding your body. She looks at your home and how you inspect your home for different sensory challenges that you have at work. The section on relationships to have it was really interesting to see how different couples make it work with different sensitivities that they have. I really wanted to look at a couple other parts of the book because the thing that me this book really interesting to was that she really gives not only actionable tips that you can do and look at in different areas that you are struggling with, and different specialists that you might want to look into if you're struggling with different areas and how different strategies can help you, which I thought was really great. But she also still talks about how things really do need to change. 13:30 Another part of the book that I think is really important towards the end and her final thoughts here, she talks about how important it is for women to start sharing about what they are experiencing. Our conditions are not static. They don't always fit in boxes. And what's true now is probably going to be different in five years. There are a lot of women who don't need the categories or those descriptors or to be labelled by them to live well, but there are women who do need that who need that life saving treatment who need that support and those accommodations in that, the more that we start speaking up and sharing our experiences, the bigger group we become, the louder our voices are. The people who have privilege can stand next to those who don't and say, 'You know what, we both, regardless, have the same sensitivities and deserve the same support.' And I think that's a really important point to make. And especially mentioning that, yes, there is privilege involved in that. She really wants to make the point clear that it's not denying that the categories are not important. But what is important is that we see these differences, don't deny them. And let's try to like be kind to each other and help each other. And it doesn't matter whether someone's in quotes, she puts this 'higher or low functioning'. But we know enough about what's damaging with like, masking is enough to want to do things differently. That everyone, underneath all of it, were much more similar than what we realised. But since we don't talk about it, no one knows it. And I think that's a really important piece of making a difference for women now and in the future. 15:51 'She talks about once I embraced my own labels, categories and identifications, I mean truly embrace them, and got my family, friends and colleagues on board. I almost didn't need them anymore. Once I learned about them, I adjusted, we all adjusted. And now I have a thriving life, meltdowns and all. She talks about the four things that have helped her on her journey of growth, and acceptance and healing, which I think it's so important. Like the whole entire thing of this podcast is about growth, acceptance and healing, so brilliant. 'The number one thing was finding the right career. Number two, coming to understand my needs, number three, communicating those needs and having them respected by friends, family and colleagues. And number four, learning more about my body.' All of that is just so important. I think that we do need to find our just right spaces, and what we can do to make those spaces just right for us and understanding our bodies. That's been a big part of my own journey is understanding where my sensitivities have come up and you know, what triggers are had my trying to heal and what I'm doing about them, so that you know I can live a life regardless of ADHD or whatever, I feel that I am flourishing and that I am thriving. That's what I want for all of you. 17:15 There's one more comment I want to read, and it's about acceptance as part of her journey, and I think it's such an amazing part to finish on. She says, perhaps the most important thing I learned from researching and writing this book is the value of acceptance. With acceptance comes accommodation, understanding and a sense of spaciousness from others and society at large. That allows neurodivergent individuals to develop and grow in their own way and ultimately identify how to plug their strengths into neurotypical settings that once felt uncomfortable. 17:57 exceptance is at the core of what then enables people who feel marginalised to take risks, expand their sense of belonging, apply themselves in work and relationships, and thrive. I do think acceptance is definitely is a massive, massive part. 18:18 There is so much goodness in this book that I'm actually going to have to go through it again and start taking out pieces of things that I'm going to use or that I'm already using, and that are working for me. And I hope that you would take a chance to read it or find it. It's been published by Harper one. And, as I said, it's, you know, a really easy read, because a lot of takeaways you can implement into your life right away. And there's a lot of big ideas to think about. Now, I have two copies of this book, and I'm going to give them away. And what I would love for you to do is, first off, please leave a review for my podcast because the more reviews that you leave, everybody leaves a review that actually it might be found, because I would like other people to be able to benefit from anything that I have to say, because I think it's really important. And then we'll read the reviews with my husband, I'm going to choose two. Well, he's probably going to choose to because I don't want to know like who it is this case, like my friends or whatever, but he's gonna choose to and then whoever those two are, I'm going to tell me we are maybe the next few episodes, and then we get in contact and I'm gonna send you each a copy, because it's her first book and it's really good. I do like to support other neurodivergent people and I think that anyone that reads this is gonna really love it, too. All right. That's all for me today guys. Hope you have a good one. Bye. 20:10 Hey, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please feel free to leave a five star review and comment. It helps people find the podcast, especially if you're listening on Apple podcast. Don't forget to check out the show notes for any resources mentioned on today's podcast. You can find my own free resources links there and things to get in touch with me on instagram and facebook at the ADHD Good Life. I'm so grateful you could join me today. Have a great week, and I'll see you next time. Bye. Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash