Podcast: Making Gratitude Work
Transcript
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I am not a hundred percent perfect on my scarcity thinking and spiraling like it still triggers me and I can go under for a days, but just even knowing that I have the power to look for things in my life that I have in abundance to counter that has been mind blowing.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey there, you're listening to the ADHD Goodlife podcast. Each week we explore stories, ideas, or topics around neurodiversity from an intersectional lens and the personal growth strategies we've found most helpful in transforming our lives. I'm your host, Sandra. I'm a wife, mother, writer, coach and educational specialist. I'm also a black cisgender woman, transracial adoptee and fellow neurodivergent after my own ADHD diagnosis at 40 and just like you, I'm learning. un learning and healing so I can step into my uniqueness and create a life that truly allows me to learn. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. You ready? All right, let's get started.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Hey everyone. Welcome to episode three of my podcast and today I'm going to be talking about gratitude. Gratitude has not been something easy for me to develop. I'm going to be honest with you, because I spent most of my life really thinking about how much I didn't have, how I wasn't as good as everyone else, how I wasn't enough, how I wasn't skinny enough, how I wasn't, I didn't look the right enough. I didn't sound the right enough. You know, whatever that was. I grew up thinking of all of the things I lacked. I pretty much was firmly planted in Camp Scarcity and in Camp victim mentality as well. Like not only did I think about all the things I didn't have, it was everyone else's fault or I was resentful and I even took away all my power to make changes because of that.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
So when I first started learning about gratitude, and I think I was in university because I'm pretty sure it was learning about the Secret, which you know, was a great book, but I just did not connect with it because of my undiagnosed ADHD. I think I read it like three or four times, but I just couldn't quite get it. And I think it's, it's a practice that I've been able to develop now. And I can honestly say that yes, you know, I do think it makes a big difference. And being diagnosed and managing my ADHD has been a big part of that. But before that, no, like I used to make gratitude lists under the belief of like, okay, I'm going to change my mindset, I'm going to make a gratitude list and then this shit is going to true. I'm going to manifest it.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
So I would write down things that I was grateful for, but I didn't have, like I be writing down like if I was skint d or something like that, it'd be, Oh, I'm grateful for all the money that I have. I don't have any money in my account. I was thinking about all the things in the future and then thinking that if I just wrote them down, they would somehow manifest, which also doesn't work because manifestation doesn't really work like that either. So I really just did not have a clue about how to get that attitude of gratitude going in my head. Because I think too, whenever you have undiagnosed ADHD or you're not managing it very well, you have so many ups and downs and ups and downs and any kind of event or situation, it can just spiral you out. That was happening to me all the time and then you put in things like all your memory is shit and you know, you start one day and he quit for like three weeks and he'd bring it back and you don't even remember what you've done or where it is and it just is a mess.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I've noticed that in the, I've been doing like something around gratitude for the last year, like consistently as consistent as ADHD brains I think can be, and I think that's helped me and made a big difference for how gratitude has helped in my life. I see. What I notice now about gratitude is that is not for me about manifesting anything. It is about bringing up more positive feelings for me throughout my days and really helping me connect with the things that I have in my life now in the present, in that moment is not about anything that I've done before is not about anything. I hope to happen. It's now for our brains now as a pretty good place to be as much as we possibly can. Like we think in time is like now we're not now, but our brains go quickly to worry and anxiety, which is the past or the future.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And I've found that keeping a consistent gratitude practice over time has really helped me look at my life now and understand what I'm doing in my life now. That's making a difference for me. You see, one of the things that I learned about myself with ADHD is that something that triggers me, sends me into ups is when I'm thinking anything to do with scarcity. So for me, and this is something that I done, I think in the last four or five months, has connected my gratitude list to abundance, to kind of counter how easy it is for me to just fall into all the ways that I'm not enough. All the things that we don't have enough of for all the things that are, you know, not like what that person has, what that person does, you know. So for me, being able to connect my gratitude list and look around my life and think of, you know, I'm grateful for this and find the evidence of it, showing up abundantly in my life has been a game changer for me.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I think one of the reasons that like one of these I can show you or tell you that it looks like could be in my writing. So I think, okay, when I'm grateful for writing and my ability to write so that I can connect with others and express myself in a way that really aligns with me. And then I connect that to abundance. And I think you'll, I have an abundance of ideas for writing. And I look and I know that I do like it's there. The evidence is right there. They're in my canva, they're on my phone. There are notes everywhere and I look I think, Oh yeah, I have an abundance of ideas. And that's been a game changer for me because in that gratitude list I've been able to see and pinpoint beings that show me that I have an abundance.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
And I think the thing too about a gratitude list is that being able to track how long you've done that is another way of looking and thinking, Oh, there was abundance there too. I have this massive gratitude list that loads of things that I'm grateful for. I am not a hundred percent perfect on my scarcity thinking and spiraling like it still triggers me and I can go under for a days, but just even knowing that I have the power to look for things in my life that I have in abundance to counter that has been mind blowing. One other reason why I think gratitude has been really important for me, we know that for our ADHD brains, pressure does not work. And even though we get stimulated from things like worry and anxiety, it also leaves us overwhelmed and motionless and doing nothing for ourselves, but it's in gratitude where we actually start to feel the good positive vibes and that's the stuff that gets us going to make my own gratitude practice.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
It has been a challenge to go from because you can't just write down things that I don't think that you don't really believe that you're grateful for. Just trying to fill in a list. There has to be some feeling behind it and that's always been a big struggle for me, especially when you've come from your whole life being told all the reasons why you can't, all the reasons why you're not good enough, all the reasons why you suck at this or that and you just can't get past those thoughts. That's been the biggest struggle for me. There's a few things that have actually been a game changer. The number one thing that when I first started and I understood about ADHD, I don't do just one thing or one way for gratitude, like that's a feeling that I want to have in my life. I want to spend my days feeling grateful for what I have.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I want to be able to recognize that in my days. So there are probably a few things. I'm going to give you some ideas at the end of the episode that I do to generate that feeling because we don't work well under pressure. If I'm only doing the one thing the one way and then I get bored, there goes my gratitude practice shit. So I had two or three different things that I was doing to get started and the other thing that I was doing was finding ways to track them. You see, that's the second thing too, is that when we're doing, we're starting a habit like a lot of times we were like, okay, when I lose 20 pounds, I'm going to be awesome. Or when I do this for 21 days because that's how long it takes to make a habit. Then this is going to happen and we just don't think like that.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Like what the hell? What is 21 days? I don't even know. I guess it's three weeks. I don't even know what that feels like. That feels like. So I can't track based on when I complete that habit, especially whenever I'm thinking about how I'm not good enough at this or that because I'm going to get to 21 days and I'm still gonna feel like shit because I'm going to realize that somebody's been doing it for like two years and they’re doing so much better than me. So I can't think about when the habit is done, then I'm awesome. So what I do is track everything and really I don't track in ways that I have to put something else for me to do. Like I have apps that track things, for example. And I have different for gratitude at different ways that helped me see visually the changes that I was doing.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
So that way I can look and go, Oh, I did it for a week or look at this, I only skipped one day this week. Or, okay, I'm going to try to do the three days or two days or I can look back and go, I did this for like three months or whatever. It's never going to be about me. Getting the habit is going to be about how far I'm going, how long I've gone. Okay. And yes, if you go on a streak and then it breaks, it really sucks and then you feel like that was what happened. When I did my Headspace I did for like 180 odd days and then like the streak broke or something and I was like, got it. And it took a while to get back into it. And I think sometimes when you're like that you have to have different games or talk to someone or compete with someone or reward yourself in some way to get started.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Because yet when you break the streak, it does feel a little bit demotivating. But when you first start out with gratitude, you got to have different ways to show that. Which is why, number one, why I said first was having those different ways to be able to track that feeling so that you're still always doing it even though one way doesn't work for awhile and you have to jump over to another way. The other thing that I did, and this was a game changer for me, and I started doing this I think about four months ago, and I got this from Rebecca T. Dickson and she's a mindset coach, which is a podcast too, and she suggested when you write down things that you are grateful for, you know, in your present, what you need to add is so that, I'll give you an example. I'm grateful for being able to write so that I can express myself in a way that's clear and connects with people around me.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
That for me was everything because it forced me to start really looking around and going, okay, so really what am I grateful for and what does that bring to my life? Because without that. So that for me anyways, it was just a list and yes, you know, I was looking for the evidence of things now that were happening, but it wasn't until adding that so that I could be like, that's why it matters to me. That's why I'm grateful for it. That's what it brings to me. That's what it brings to my life. And that's whenever I could start actually connecting that with a feeling in my body and it made me want to do that. And tracking, I'm not gonna lie, when you can see how long you've gone or you see how far it's been going, you've been doing something, you do start to want to keep going.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Another thing number four now is that the consistency part is really key and we aren't very good with consistency. Sometimes. As I said, consistency starts with doing different things, but they're on the same path. And sometimes like for me to be consistent with this, it had to start with, you know, just doing it really rubbishly you know, writing down three things and then seeing the lists get longer and learning something different. Or listening to a podcast and I'd learn something different. I tweak it and I would keep going. The idea for me to really shift my thinking in that was that, you know, the longer that I kept doing my gratitude lists, then I could start to see that there was something that I could do that I knew was good for myself and it actually made me see some of the good things about some of the things on my list as well.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I can say maybe the first month or so, I'm hopeful it will be different for you guys if you start. It was kind of like just going through the motions, but another thing that I think is really important was also remembering that it's connected to now and those things that do make you feel like this moment or this time is the best time because of these things that are happening and when you get to that part, then it helps an adding the so that after everyone that you list doesn't have to be a long, so that reason, but just something helps connect you to why it matters. Something like practicing gratitude. It does change what's happening in your brain. It does help you feel better and more positive to seeing a say that like 12 weeks, which is amazing, but like what the hell? We don't know like 12 weeks from like when we could even 12 weeks later.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
We're not going to remember where we started anyways, but I also think it's one of those things kind of like meditation where they say when you stop doing it, you kind of start feeling like, Oh man, I think that helped. I paint gratitude is like that. So yeah, it starts off slow in finding ways to track it and try to be as consistent as you can. Give yourself a lot of different ways to list things that you're grateful for and stay in the present with thinking of all the things that you've always wanted that are there in your life at that moment. Now, some of the things that you can do now to take away and maybe get started with your own practice or add to your practice of gratitude. One way is those of you who like to use a pen and paper. No, you buy a nice little notebook and you put it next to your bed with your pen.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So it is right there. And if you are one of those people that does a little brain dump at the end of the day to get all of your thoughts and ideas out of your head so you can sleep, add your three things or four things, two things or one thing that you're grateful for that day. Remember to add your so that now if you get a little bit bored of that. The other thing that you do that I've done too is, and I have found this on mind love and I don't remember the episode because there's so many episodes on that podcast, but I have a glass jar by my bed and little cut up pieces of paper, mine are colored, but yours don't have to be. And I have a pen by my bed all the time. And what I do is write down one thing or two things that I did that day that I was proud of, that surprised me, that made me happy, that were, you know, that are maybe some of that I was really grateful for that happened that day.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
So this was kind of a gratitude, but other stuff too. Like I said, like there's a lot of ways that you can get that feeling in your day. So I write that, I follow the piece of paper up and I put it in the jar and every time and every day or every other day I would write two or three things or maybe one thing, but I would always keep adding into the chart the jar got fuller and fuller and fuller. Now this works two ways because one, you see right in front of you how many things, all the things that you can be grateful for. It also shows how far you've come because you started with an empty glass jar and now maybe you've got two jars, so you've got a full jar, whatever that is. And the other thing, the real bonus of this is that when you feel like shit and you're having a really bad flare up or you're having a bad day, go into the jar and just pull some of these out at random and read them because then you're like, man, I did that.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Like the beauty of not remembering shit. Oh I did that. That's awesome. I did that. Oh my God, it's so amazing. And it really does make a difference. Plus it's surprise. You don't know what's going to come up and you're just like, ah. It's just, it's like a little mini dopamine hit is brilliant. And I still do that cause it's, it does feel good and I'm smiling whenever I'm, I'm talking about that. And the other thing that I’ve done that I actually still do this to this day, you can set an alarm for this if you are just starting out and you need a reminder. So I downloaded the app gratitude 365 and it's really awesome. And I think I downloaded it and I paid like a pound. And what you can do is write down, you know, everything that you're grateful for and it tracks all of them.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's got a calendar that you know every day that you fill in at least one gratitude thing on it. It gives a little dot on the day. So you can go back and look at your calendar from the time that you start that app and be like, Oh my God, I've been doing this for so many months and it tracks down. I've got thousands of gratitude points. Now. Also, what's really cool about this app is that it's on every day that you've put something that you're, you will also add one picture and then it shows, have your calendar at the end of the month and you've got a picture for each day that represents something that know, have your calendaggratr at the end of the month and you've got a picture for each day that represents something that you're grateful for. So I think that's awesome that you can download or you can send it to someone too. So I thought that is amazing.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I actually don't do the picture one every day, but I love being able to look at my calendar and be like, Hey, I did it for like six days in a row or this month I did like 20 days and that has made a lot of difference and it's always there and it's easy for me to access. So when I was traveling for work or when I had a few moments or just before I went to bed, I do i right when I get up because I have a morning routine that I do then it's so easy to access and you can look back and see some of the ones that you've done to That has been a real game changer for me and even though it has been something that I haven't always consistently kept up in the last, I think I've had it for about a year and a half, maybe two years in the last year, particularly over last six or seven months, I have been able to keep it. Mostlyconsistent as an ADHD brain can and it has made a really big difference for me. So those you could choose from one of those three things to really get started today with your own gratitude list .Alright, that's all I've got for today guys.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Have a great one. Bye. Hey, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please feel free to leave a five star review and comment that helps people find the podcast, especially if you’re listenin tingg thing on Apple podcast. Don't forget to check out the show notes. Any resources mentioned on today's podcast. You can find my own free resources links there, and thanks for getting in touch with me on Instagram andD goo life. I'm so grateful you could join me today. Have a great week and I'll see you next time. Bye.the ADHD good life. I'm so grateful you could join me today. Have a great week and I'll see you next time. Bye.