practicing for the world we want
on starting where we're at
Hey friends,
Honestly, any opportunity I get to practice pause is worth taking.
In a society that has taught us that our worth is connected to how productive we are, pausing to reconnect with ourselves and take our next best action becomes a small act of resistance. We’ve been disconnected from our bodies and on autopilot all our lives, so reconnection and centring our well-being go against everything we’ve been taught in the dominant culture. The fear of being excluded, punished, called lazy or not doing it all on our own naturally brings up the body’s automatic coping strategies for its survival. These are hard habits to break and before you know it…
Being gets taken over by doing.
I’ve been learning how to “be” by first learning how to pause. It’s a practice we all can develop as we build a sense of safety in our bodies. At first, regularly stopping what I was doing throughout my day felt impossible with my concoction of neurodivergence. I’m not gonna lie, it also felt uncomfortable and scary. But over the years, I’ve been making slow progress. It’s made a difference in my ability to slow down, notice what I need and recognise what supports me so I can help others. It’s a practice I shared on a podcast I recorded a while ago.
On Developing a Practice of Pausing
To reconnect with ourselves (the sensations in our bodies), so we can understand what we might need at that moment, means we need to pause. But pausing feels very scary to our bodies. This episode not only looks at why pausing feels so bad to us but also how we can start to develop a practice of pausing in the times when we feel "safe- enough" so that …
We get stuck hyper-focusing on all the problems in the world and everything we must change to be good enough or “do the right thing”. Only, we see specific outcomes and specific actions we should be doing. If we can’t do those things exactly as we expect ourselves to, then we freeze up and can’t do anything.
That’s a natural reaction to that kind of unrealistic expectation.
When we can’t accept where we’re at (like, where our capacity is, skill level or even the availability of community for support), and how it impacts our ability to make change, we don’t see what we need to take our next best steps. Instead, we beat ourselves up, hoping that will motivate us to take action.
Not only is that ridiculous, but it’s also a symptom of the dominant culture.
Much like in the body, the most sustainable kind of changes occur slowly over time. Even trauma is caused by experiencing something too much, too soon or not enough over a short amount of time. It keeps us in a state of survival until we can integrate the shock to our system. It’s a reaction not meant for us to thrive. Yet, we expect ourselves to go against nature to change our lives and the world around us in an instant or one grand action. That kind of change becomes too much, too soon or without the support available for our systems. It’s not sustainable either. Naturally, we’d freeze up and do nothing!
And that’s exactly what the dominant culture wants it to be.
Frozen.
Steeped in shame.
Berating ourselves more as we disconnect from our humanity and isolate ourselves further from each other. Then everything stays the same and nothing changes.
Starting with pausing as a practice might seem too simple or too passive to make a difference. Maybe it doesn’t feel like you’re doing enough. But it’s none of those things. We see how one small action can snowball into something larger and that’s scary AF! It’s different from everything we’ve been told we should do to fit in! We start to learn that we need different things to thrive from everyone else.
And much different to what we’ve been told we should want or need as well.
We’ve rarely witnessed the powerful conduits for change we become when we be, rather than mindlessly do. To be we need to break free from the conditioning that tells us our purpose in life is to do. But we can’t until we hear what our body needs so we can be, again. That process starts with very small shifts. It starts when we practice pause.
The changes we want for our future begin with what we practice today.
Octavia Raheem wrote in her most recent email newsletter, “We have to practice the world we want. You have to practice the world we want. We have to practice for the world we want. You have to practice for the world we want. What are you practising? Does it look like the world you, our children, and our future deserves?
The reality is you are already practicing something. What is it? Does it support and serve you now? If it doesn’t serve you now, it’s stealing from your future”
So, let’s start where we’re at and learn how to pause throughout our day to connect us with what’s in our present moment. Let’s practice accepting what sensations we’re experiencing with more compassion and sometimes, a little bravery too. Then we might even eventually practice sensing what care would meet our immediate needs. And could we practice that again?
And again?
And again?
We’re conditioned to believe that doing more will change the world, but perhaps it’s more about learning to do less - doing less reacting to life and living on autopilot. Doing less wishing to be different or for things to be different, so we can turn our energy towards being.
Being slower.
Being self-accepting.
Being intentional.
Being compassionate.
Being human.
With love and gratitude,
SC xo
PS. Where are you in your practice of pausing? What have you learned about the things that help you thrive as you develop your practice practice?
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So good! Thank you 🙏