Criticism plays such a huge role in our lives and it impacts so much of how we see ourselves. We’ve been hearing how we mess up, are too much, or not enough for so long that oftentimes when we hear anything critical it automatically becomes something that we take on to mean something about ourselves and our worth. It’s no wonder that to avoid it we end up looking to other people in order to learn how to get approval at all costs. At least that way we have an idea of what it may take in order for us to be deemed enough and maybe we can avoid some of the impact of these tough feelings.
These days I’m really fascinated with how much I’ve let the outside world impact how I think of my inner one and understanding the ways that I’ve let other people dictate how I thought of myself and why I needed to be like everyone else, has been an important part of my journey to unpack. I’m still unpacking it if I’m honest! But for now all I’m doing in this episode is talking a bit more about criticism, thinking more about how society creates conditions for us to stop trusting ourselves so that we end up just trying to be like what everyone wants us to be, and how every criticism seems like it’s a constant reminder of how we just don’t quite get it and we’ll never be good enough.
I talk a little about what I’m doing to try and learn a different way of thinking so that I can try to seek out the approval of one person: me.
What I thought
over criticism in schools (particularly of Black students)
the impact of gender roles in society
self betrayal in order to fit in
What I learned
fear of criticism is real
self hatred from self betrayal??
forever fixing ourselves
stop taking risks
not setting boundaries
What I did
understanding what it means to get self approval
my core values and beliefs
small steps to prove I could trust myself
stop comparing myself to others
giving others permission not to like me
setting small boundaries for myself
Takeaway:
a small, helpful story to think about
Resources:
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The Need for Approval