to pause and ponder
a practice of slowing down & deciding what to take in
Hey friends,
This is an attempt at a newsletter.
I’ve never written an actual newsletter before. I tend to open a blank document, start writing and see what comes out. This time around I decided to pick a few things that made me (you guessed it), pause and ponder what was being shared.
Pausing is a practice.
Pondering is a practice for me too.
They force me to slow down and be more intentional about my next steps. What do I need to remember? What do I need to learn? What do I need? When I do that, I learn to trust that I know what I need.
I only need a bit of practice.
After compiling these few pieces from Substack (which I figured would be a good place to start looking for inspiration), I realised I had unexpectedly developed a theme. So, in this month’s newsletter, we’re pausing and pondering humanising ourselves and each other. What I mean about that is how we get closer to recovering the fullness of who we are, flaws and all. I like to pause and ponder on specific ways we might do that, what we need to learn and unlearn and why it matters that we do.
This isn’t about unmasking (I’ll save that one for another post - hard eye roll), because much like people aren’t disposable, no parts of us are either. Even the parts that hid the things we learned were unacceptable about ourselves. We keep it all because even those parts make us more human and that’s exactly what we were always meant to be. We don’t just dispose of parts of ourselves until we’re blocks of Swiss cheese, we learn to use those parts like the highest versions of the adults we’re becoming, not the scared, helpless, still unskilled children we were.
Our real purpose in this life has never been about what we do for a living (contrary to what we’ve been taught), but in being the humans we’re meant to be and supporting others in their quest to do the same.
First up, is a note by Jenn M. Jackson, PhD, one of my favourite Black queer writers I follow on IG. I can’t wait to get into more of their long-form content on Substack cuz whew! This note is so real!
You wanna know some truths about me?
One is that I cried about those US election results - big, ugly, snotty tears.
Not because I was surprised by the results, but because of the truth that I finally had to face. That there was nothing a Black woman could do that would ever be good enough for this society. There was no way we could be qualified enough, make white people comfortable enough, rescue people enough or make ourselves small enough to be seen as human, worthy of respect, care and love. I couldn’t live in denial any more. Black women truly are the most hated people (in America). That was the hard pill I finally swallowed.
But the other truth is that I’m so proud of us, Black women. I’m glad we’ve said, “We are done. Don’t ask us for nothing!” If these election results have made anything clear to us it’s that our boundaries and energy are sacred. We must prioritise our care and our communities over trying to force change in systems that were made to destroy us. We can foster change and even thrive, but only when we choose ourselves first.
And I love that for us.
Y’all, I’m not quoted often, so let me tell you that it never gets old for me to see my words in print. I don’t think it will ever get old. I’m always shocked I could write something like that when I see a quote of mine in print. It generally goes something like, “Oh niiiiiiceee… Who wrote that…? Oh shit… I think it’s mine…?!”
This was one of those times…
A thought of mine, for you to pause and ponder, as quoted by fellow author and friend of mine, Kelsey Blackwell.
“The elections are part of the system, and Black women have had a role in how these elections play out. Our role in society has always been to save the white people from themselves and try to include everyone, white women included. Let's organize. Let's be the strong ones. Let's find the way. This expectation upholds the system itself. We're never going to win.
Now we're like, wait a minute, my energy is not going to be spent on trying to drag white women along to do the right thing. I'm done. I'm resting. Don't ask me for anything else because I'm not participating in the role you have made for me in this system. I'm going to do the things that I've always done in my community. In my family. So that I can thrive. Because that's where the real work is.”
Written following the election results, you can read the rest of Kelsey’s short essay, below. It’s such a good one!
And remember to subscribe to The Drinking Gourd! You’ll be glad you did.
Next up is a short piece by Elif Shafak. She’s a Turkish author and I adore her work. I always have. (Fun fact about me: I lived in Istanbul for almost 10 years).
One cool thing about the Turkish language is how descriptive it is, especially compared to English. I’m unsure how easily it translates, but I’ve always wished I could read Turkish well enough to read her books in her home language. Because if the English translations of her work could be this beautiful, I can only imagine the Turkish would be absolutely breathtaking.
Here, Elif writes about the lack of intelligent debate and how that keeps us from connecting with others. We’ve stopped listening with the intent to learn and connect. Instead, we’re rushing to make polarising statements and harsh judgements of the other.
We need more softness to connect people and humanise each other, not less.
And finally, this gorgeous little note by Ebonee Davis made me hit subscribe immediately. Y’all better know by now how I feel about dehumanising anyone, including ourselves!
Let’s all try to see ourselves and others in the fullness of our humanity. That’s the only way we’ll ever truly show up for each other and ourselves in these challenging times.
As always, thank you for being here,
sandra xo
PS.
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What’s making you pause and ponder lately? What’s resonating with you from any of these pieces in the newsletter?
Thanks for the mention Sandra! Congrats on yoru first (fantastic) newsletter!