Ahhh it’s so helpful reading another person’s OCD experience and how it potentially manifests. I’m an autistic ADHDer with OCD (diagnosed about a year ago). I’m still just processing everything and shifting my world to accommodate my needs more (instead of ignoring things until they spiral). Have you ever read OCDaniel? It’s a YA book - qbd the author has OCD. The character’s experiences don’t really align with mine, but I appreciated reading a story where the main character is OCD and what that looks like for them. ❤️
"But maybe our day to day levels of anxiety are so familiar, that our brains recognise them as our norm. They become something our nervous systems are just used to." <<< this resonated with me so much. When I first started taking Lexapro and had a moment I realized that I wasn't experiencing suicidal ideation I was very uncomfortable because it was such a familiar state that not having that felt not Right.
Omg! THANK YOU!!! It’s Fry!! Oh thank god. The way I had to convince myself to leave that up and just hit send (the trade off to leaving it being the disclaimer of course).
Right?! The mind-nervous system connection is significant for me. Our need for certainty dramatically increases as we try to manage our anxiety. But when what feels normal is a certain level of discomfort and anxiety, do we even realise we feel it (until it’s not there OR we do so much trauma/somatic work we realise it’s all we felt (which is becoming my experience))?
I've been thinking about this a ton recently! There are many parts of my autistic trauma and autistic ways of communication/existing that can feel like these compulsive loops. My therapist and I talk about it a lot. Is what I'm describing just my autistic way of existing or does it cross some invisible (and honestly probably fake and constructed by pathology) boundary into OCD? Is it OCD if my loops are born out of cptsd or is it just me trying to keep myself safe and meet my own needs? Obviously in some cases these questions might be more clear cut, but in my case not so much.
Whoa... I've been thinking a lot about how our ways of communication can lead us to experiencing a lot of trauma and the reponses we have now because of it. I genuinely think that my own checking and rechecking OCD with language is a big part of that too. There is so much trauma wrapped up in all of this and so much of just who we are as autistics that is anxiety too. I think our sensitive nervous systems are on alert too because we're always aware of our sensory needs. Since we're all wired for belonging, the fact that we may struggle with communication might also play a arole in how safe we think we are because we've struggled to truly connect with others. I could see how any of these would trigger some sorts of trauma and/or OCD loops responses to any threat in these areas. I hope that makes sense. Just thinking out loud now...
Thank u both for these comments they validate everything so fucking much bringing it all home in a way that I feel more connected to me as a human bean not a diagnositic puzzle PIP would like me to nestly parse out for them
Sandra idk what else to say but thank you? And Jesus did I squirm my way thru this Post. I need it I will continue to need it I won’t be alone. Funny how “ You see, the brain depends on what’s familiar to find safety and help us regulate our nervous systems. It will prioritise regulating and what we need to feel safe over anything else.” I copied pasted that with intention of journalling to get myself “unstuck” & am hopping with discomfort oh it’s all in my throat claggy and gross of like…what if there’s nothing to fix BBY b????????? Which isn’t wild now is it. Because of the Eg ocd time anxiety that. kills me nmw for example or death anxiety or whatever it is where like - yeah idk - for now - wild to see what will happen if and when I go back to doing what I was (lots of shame I. It wooo!!!!) and lots of obsessive little like…yeah - and to see myself ..: reflecting on “ You see, the brain depends on what’s familiar to find safety and help us regulate our nervous systems. It will prioritise regulating and what we need to feel safe over anything else.” which I take as something to be like cool so that’s what I’m doing and will continue to do cos that’s just where we are right now and good luck tryna change it lol - sandra that’s different to 1) before I read this post whatever was happening 2) reading it and being like THERES THE THING I CAN BEG MYSELF USING - to do and be different a easy peasy wow as in I okay I stop now xxxxxx (I’m proud of stopping!!!!!!!!! Pause!!!!! You taught !!!!! )
Ahhh it’s so helpful reading another person’s OCD experience and how it potentially manifests. I’m an autistic ADHDer with OCD (diagnosed about a year ago). I’m still just processing everything and shifting my world to accommodate my needs more (instead of ignoring things until they spiral). Have you ever read OCDaniel? It’s a YA book - qbd the author has OCD. The character’s experiences don’t really align with mine, but I appreciated reading a story where the main character is OCD and what that looks like for them. ❤️
The show is Futurama!
"But maybe our day to day levels of anxiety are so familiar, that our brains recognise them as our norm. They become something our nervous systems are just used to." <<< this resonated with me so much. When I first started taking Lexapro and had a moment I realized that I wasn't experiencing suicidal ideation I was very uncomfortable because it was such a familiar state that not having that felt not Right.
Omg! THANK YOU!!! It’s Fry!! Oh thank god. The way I had to convince myself to leave that up and just hit send (the trade off to leaving it being the disclaimer of course).
Right?! The mind-nervous system connection is significant for me. Our need for certainty dramatically increases as we try to manage our anxiety. But when what feels normal is a certain level of discomfort and anxiety, do we even realise we feel it (until it’s not there OR we do so much trauma/somatic work we realise it’s all we felt (which is becoming my experience))?
I've been thinking about this a ton recently! There are many parts of my autistic trauma and autistic ways of communication/existing that can feel like these compulsive loops. My therapist and I talk about it a lot. Is what I'm describing just my autistic way of existing or does it cross some invisible (and honestly probably fake and constructed by pathology) boundary into OCD? Is it OCD if my loops are born out of cptsd or is it just me trying to keep myself safe and meet my own needs? Obviously in some cases these questions might be more clear cut, but in my case not so much.
Whoa... I've been thinking a lot about how our ways of communication can lead us to experiencing a lot of trauma and the reponses we have now because of it. I genuinely think that my own checking and rechecking OCD with language is a big part of that too. There is so much trauma wrapped up in all of this and so much of just who we are as autistics that is anxiety too. I think our sensitive nervous systems are on alert too because we're always aware of our sensory needs. Since we're all wired for belonging, the fact that we may struggle with communication might also play a arole in how safe we think we are because we've struggled to truly connect with others. I could see how any of these would trigger some sorts of trauma and/or OCD loops responses to any threat in these areas. I hope that makes sense. Just thinking out loud now...
Thank u both for these comments they validate everything so fucking much bringing it all home in a way that I feel more connected to me as a human bean not a diagnositic puzzle PIP would like me to nestly parse out for them
Sandra idk what else to say but thank you? And Jesus did I squirm my way thru this Post. I need it I will continue to need it I won’t be alone. Funny how “ You see, the brain depends on what’s familiar to find safety and help us regulate our nervous systems. It will prioritise regulating and what we need to feel safe over anything else.” I copied pasted that with intention of journalling to get myself “unstuck” & am hopping with discomfort oh it’s all in my throat claggy and gross of like…what if there’s nothing to fix BBY b????????? Which isn’t wild now is it. Because of the Eg ocd time anxiety that. kills me nmw for example or death anxiety or whatever it is where like - yeah idk - for now - wild to see what will happen if and when I go back to doing what I was (lots of shame I. It wooo!!!!) and lots of obsessive little like…yeah - and to see myself ..: reflecting on “ You see, the brain depends on what’s familiar to find safety and help us regulate our nervous systems. It will prioritise regulating and what we need to feel safe over anything else.” which I take as something to be like cool so that’s what I’m doing and will continue to do cos that’s just where we are right now and good luck tryna change it lol - sandra that’s different to 1) before I read this post whatever was happening 2) reading it and being like THERES THE THING I CAN BEG MYSELF USING - to do and be different a easy peasy wow as in I okay I stop now xxxxxx (I’m proud of stopping!!!!!!!!! Pause!!!!! You taught !!!!! )