I am stunned. I resonate with so much of this. I never heard OCD or even perfectionism explained this way. That’s how I write. It is a somatic experience that says go back. I will write. Reread. “Massage” it and make changes. Then have to read the whole piece for the “flow”. If I make even the slightest change I repeat the process. It can eat days. And yet, I know sometimes the resulting writing “sings”. Which I have always thought made it “worthy”. I don’t know. OCD? Perfectionism? Somewhere in there I feel the energy/taste of the words. Like a kind of synesthesia. I feel like there is a sense making happening. And a pleasure in it. I enjoy the play. And yet at what cost? 🤔
Just right ocd is a real trip and that somatic experience is the big part. It’s not always an intrusive thought and learning that was huge for me. It’s wild bc it seems natural, normal to think like this, act like this. You even have times where things flow and think nothing is wrong. You’re making it up. OCD flares up too So you think that you’re not actually dealing with OCD either. But then when it comes back and you find yourself there again it’s like how did this happen again?! I’m just wrapping my head around it but I can say it’s nothing like I thought it was.
I am stunned. I resonate with so much of this. I never heard OCD or even perfectionism explained this way. That’s how I write. It is a somatic experience that says go back. I will write. Reread. “Massage” it and make changes. Then have to read the whole piece for the “flow”. If I make even the slightest change I repeat the process. It can eat days. And yet, I know sometimes the resulting writing “sings”. Which I have always thought made it “worthy”. I don’t know. OCD? Perfectionism? Somewhere in there I feel the energy/taste of the words. Like a kind of synesthesia. I feel like there is a sense making happening. And a pleasure in it. I enjoy the play. And yet at what cost? 🤔
Just right ocd is a real trip and that somatic experience is the big part. It’s not always an intrusive thought and learning that was huge for me. It’s wild bc it seems natural, normal to think like this, act like this. You even have times where things flow and think nothing is wrong. You’re making it up. OCD flares up too So you think that you’re not actually dealing with OCD either. But then when it comes back and you find yourself there again it’s like how did this happen again?! I’m just wrapping my head around it but I can say it’s nothing like I thought it was.