Change the superficial details and you've beautifully articulated my experience of transitioning from academia and lab/research work to self-employment. The attempt to do everything was super destructive and I am still dealing with the fallout. I would rather be dealing with the fallout than still doing the damage.
Exactly. Whew! Acadamia is hella violent too. So dehumanising for everyone, but when you can't see it, you just perpetuate more damage to yourself and others. I hope that you're finding some space to heal now though.
That photo hahahahahhahaha and cry cry resonate with the rest I did not know this specifically and like...woah I can see that in my future had my past not gone the way it had gone. Fuck. Fuck. And duh!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED TO FAIL. Why are you supposed to “succeed” at the first opportunity you were ever given that was ostensibly made for you - how was that not the first of trillions?!?!!?!? Fuck EVERHTBING love you sandra xxxxxx
Per your reply to my IG comment I have read your words & still left with concluding I'm not doing something "right" or am missing some dot to complete the picture.
You write, "more possibilities become visible in how we could take action towards solving it" & "new perspectives start to become visible and alternative solutions start taking shape" once we step away from self-blame. I've been pretty certain for a number of years that I'm decently able to do this & yet still find myself debilitated by overwhelm of not being able to **see** the options available to me. This is most prescient when it comes to advocacy & more actionable support (other than resharing & reposting) for various human rights things I'm passionate about; I recognize some of this is due to the abuse & grooming of one of my perpetrators in particular but I would like to be a better ally/advocate
Without having to give up too much free labour on this, I'll say: think about your own social identity markers. Each marker comes with stories you've been conditioned about who you should be and what you should do in society. But under each of those stories & expecations is a system that harms all of us through the beliefs that we internalise about ourselves and others because of these markers that we have too. Not to mention the systemic harm that it causes us too (to varying degrees depending on your social markers).
I see you're white, (cis-male?), if so I can say that it's typically quite difficult for you to see because there's a lot of expectations for you to be a very specific way. With a society built around the belief that white men are superior then you're probably conditioned to believe that there shouldn't be any reason you're not succeeding. So if you're not then you're going to be seen as the problem.
But you also aren't seeing the way that the system dehumanises you by putting you on a pedestal and declaring that whiteness and white men are the best at all and everything, because when are you allowed not to be? What happens if, in fact, you can't live up to the unrealistic expectations of perfection and ultra successful because just like everyone else, you're only human too? That's not even considering other social markers that you might have too that impact these results as well. If you can even begin to see how dehumanising that is for you, imagine how it would be for people like me?
You're going to keep feeling overwhelmed because you've learned to see the problems in your life as being because of things you did or didn't do, or can/can't be and so you can't see that this is because of the way the system is designed. White people always feel shame, blame and guilt when it comes to advocacy because they have more unearned privilege etc... It keeps them from doing anything with it. It keeps white ppl from taking action besides the very bare minumum, if that, so you don't do anything to make change. When that happens the system is also working exactly as it's intended.
Change the superficial details and you've beautifully articulated my experience of transitioning from academia and lab/research work to self-employment. The attempt to do everything was super destructive and I am still dealing with the fallout. I would rather be dealing with the fallout than still doing the damage.
Exactly. Whew! Acadamia is hella violent too. So dehumanising for everyone, but when you can't see it, you just perpetuate more damage to yourself and others. I hope that you're finding some space to heal now though.
But what can you do to fix a problem when you’ve learned you’re it? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭🫶🏾🥺🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
That photo hahahahahhahaha and cry cry resonate with the rest I did not know this specifically and like...woah I can see that in my future had my past not gone the way it had gone. Fuck. Fuck. And duh!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED TO FAIL. Why are you supposed to “succeed” at the first opportunity you were ever given that was ostensibly made for you - how was that not the first of trillions?!?!!?!? Fuck EVERHTBING love you sandra xxxxxx
Per your reply to my IG comment I have read your words & still left with concluding I'm not doing something "right" or am missing some dot to complete the picture.
You write, "more possibilities become visible in how we could take action towards solving it" & "new perspectives start to become visible and alternative solutions start taking shape" once we step away from self-blame. I've been pretty certain for a number of years that I'm decently able to do this & yet still find myself debilitated by overwhelm of not being able to **see** the options available to me. This is most prescient when it comes to advocacy & more actionable support (other than resharing & reposting) for various human rights things I'm passionate about; I recognize some of this is due to the abuse & grooming of one of my perpetrators in particular but I would like to be a better ally/advocate
Without having to give up too much free labour on this, I'll say: think about your own social identity markers. Each marker comes with stories you've been conditioned about who you should be and what you should do in society. But under each of those stories & expecations is a system that harms all of us through the beliefs that we internalise about ourselves and others because of these markers that we have too. Not to mention the systemic harm that it causes us too (to varying degrees depending on your social markers).
I see you're white, (cis-male?), if so I can say that it's typically quite difficult for you to see because there's a lot of expectations for you to be a very specific way. With a society built around the belief that white men are superior then you're probably conditioned to believe that there shouldn't be any reason you're not succeeding. So if you're not then you're going to be seen as the problem.
But you also aren't seeing the way that the system dehumanises you by putting you on a pedestal and declaring that whiteness and white men are the best at all and everything, because when are you allowed not to be? What happens if, in fact, you can't live up to the unrealistic expectations of perfection and ultra successful because just like everyone else, you're only human too? That's not even considering other social markers that you might have too that impact these results as well. If you can even begin to see how dehumanising that is for you, imagine how it would be for people like me?
You're going to keep feeling overwhelmed because you've learned to see the problems in your life as being because of things you did or didn't do, or can/can't be and so you can't see that this is because of the way the system is designed. White people always feel shame, blame and guilt when it comes to advocacy because they have more unearned privilege etc... It keeps them from doing anything with it. It keeps white ppl from taking action besides the very bare minumum, if that, so you don't do anything to make change. When that happens the system is also working exactly as it's intended.