Goodness does this resonate in my soul. One of my biggest struggles regarding this topic is discerning whether I'm avoiding because I know my limits or because of a sense of complacency & comfortability; of course, this is also accompanied by wondering if there's room to expand my limits & what that might resemble.
And on top of that is there a skill I need to learn that is needed for this task that I’m avoiding? I also think there are EF challenges that compound the need for avoidance too. It’s so difficult.
Oof. Nods. I've been toying with the idea the last few years or so that avoidance, for me, is a sign I'm overwhelmed or that I don't actually want to do the thing or am not on the best path for me. And for better or worse, probably for the worse, have moved toward the direction of doing as little as possible which then, I hope, brings forward the things I do want to do. There are obviously some things that I never really want to do, like the dishes and clean the toilet and pay the bills, but for the bigger stuff, like how I spend my time, there's been a vast improvement.
I have some leeway: I'm single and no kids, but am living like a pauper in my parents' basement, which can be severely problematic emotionally as much as it removes the responsibility of rent. Mixed bag. I know it sounds very privileged, and I'm grateful I have some resources, but I burned out into deep depressions so many times in whatever typical path I took, that I had to find a different one. I'm just hoping that it all leads to some kind of livable income before too long.
I absolutely think of avoidance as a sign of overwhelm, or a skill that needs to be developed, or something that feels unclear or unknown. Any of these things would leave the body feeling fearful and frozen. Freeze state is so difficult to move thru too.
The thing that we avoid may not even be something threatening to us now but because the body remembers the same sensations as being threatening when we were young, it responds that way now regardless if it’s really threatening or not. Then our brain just does it’s protection thing. We need to move slowly to start to work thru it so we can learn to discern the difference. Easier said than done. We’re all doing the best we can!
Moving slowly! Yes. I've come to realize, I'm not sure I was ever meant to move any other way. I mean my brain moves like a bullet train, but my body and often my actions--let's just say even when I was young it was clear I was never going to be a sprinter. Even the marathon runners get on a bit faster than I'm comfortable with. I'm a slow walk, slow yoga kind of person. LOL. Which I'm learning to sink into.
Honestly, sometimes for me the most difficult part (and probably the most rewarding) in this late diagnosis neurodivergent journey has been first observing who I am and how I work and then trying as I might to be OKAY with that and fully believing that I will be okay emotionally and financially, since I tried for so long to keep up with and do things like the rest and failed so, so many times before. :/
I love your point about skills that need to be developed and unknown things. You're absolutely right. I often wish there was an organization made by us/for us, that managed to provide actual real resources we could use. Like if we could all band together to help each other make all of our lives more easeful and fulfilling in a really big way like financial support and housing if one needs it, etc.
absolutely dead with laughter at that "my therapist says avoidance is not the answer.” Time to stop going to therapy. "
avoiding sitting with the questions. //// thoughts //// incredibly helpful wonderings that you've actually posed with this writing of what comes from somewhere so deep within you / resonates so deep within me i dunno where to begin sitting with it SO FOR NOW, I WON'T teehee (cry cry but also lolol) just to be on brand! xoxoxooxoxooxoxoxox ty for making this upsetting thing 1) a thing out loud 2) funny cos i literallly clicked on post DESPITE title cos of meme heheheehehe omg
Goodness does this resonate in my soul. One of my biggest struggles regarding this topic is discerning whether I'm avoiding because I know my limits or because of a sense of complacency & comfortability; of course, this is also accompanied by wondering if there's room to expand my limits & what that might resemble.
And on top of that is there a skill I need to learn that is needed for this task that I’m avoiding? I also think there are EF challenges that compound the need for avoidance too. It’s so difficult.
Oof. Nods. I've been toying with the idea the last few years or so that avoidance, for me, is a sign I'm overwhelmed or that I don't actually want to do the thing or am not on the best path for me. And for better or worse, probably for the worse, have moved toward the direction of doing as little as possible which then, I hope, brings forward the things I do want to do. There are obviously some things that I never really want to do, like the dishes and clean the toilet and pay the bills, but for the bigger stuff, like how I spend my time, there's been a vast improvement.
I have some leeway: I'm single and no kids, but am living like a pauper in my parents' basement, which can be severely problematic emotionally as much as it removes the responsibility of rent. Mixed bag. I know it sounds very privileged, and I'm grateful I have some resources, but I burned out into deep depressions so many times in whatever typical path I took, that I had to find a different one. I'm just hoping that it all leads to some kind of livable income before too long.
I hope you're finding whatever you need.
I absolutely think of avoidance as a sign of overwhelm, or a skill that needs to be developed, or something that feels unclear or unknown. Any of these things would leave the body feeling fearful and frozen. Freeze state is so difficult to move thru too.
The thing that we avoid may not even be something threatening to us now but because the body remembers the same sensations as being threatening when we were young, it responds that way now regardless if it’s really threatening or not. Then our brain just does it’s protection thing. We need to move slowly to start to work thru it so we can learn to discern the difference. Easier said than done. We’re all doing the best we can!
Moving slowly! Yes. I've come to realize, I'm not sure I was ever meant to move any other way. I mean my brain moves like a bullet train, but my body and often my actions--let's just say even when I was young it was clear I was never going to be a sprinter. Even the marathon runners get on a bit faster than I'm comfortable with. I'm a slow walk, slow yoga kind of person. LOL. Which I'm learning to sink into.
Honestly, sometimes for me the most difficult part (and probably the most rewarding) in this late diagnosis neurodivergent journey has been first observing who I am and how I work and then trying as I might to be OKAY with that and fully believing that I will be okay emotionally and financially, since I tried for so long to keep up with and do things like the rest and failed so, so many times before. :/
I love your point about skills that need to be developed and unknown things. You're absolutely right. I often wish there was an organization made by us/for us, that managed to provide actual real resources we could use. Like if we could all band together to help each other make all of our lives more easeful and fulfilling in a really big way like financial support and housing if one needs it, etc.
absolutely dead with laughter at that "my therapist says avoidance is not the answer.” Time to stop going to therapy. "
avoiding sitting with the questions. //// thoughts //// incredibly helpful wonderings that you've actually posed with this writing of what comes from somewhere so deep within you / resonates so deep within me i dunno where to begin sitting with it SO FOR NOW, I WON'T teehee (cry cry but also lolol) just to be on brand! xoxoxooxoxooxoxoxox ty for making this upsetting thing 1) a thing out loud 2) funny cos i literallly clicked on post DESPITE title cos of meme heheheehehe omg
I recently referred to my adhd management as my Avoidance addiction recovery. Great post.
That’s interesting way to look at it. I kinda like that. I think I’m more of an underbe-er myself.