Wow, I have the same experience of birthdays!! I always ended up crying or stressed about something. I realised not only did I have high expectations, but trying to organise them was just not fun!! I always ended up overstimulated and tired trying to organise things I thought I "should" do on my birthday.
So this year I just stayed home! 😆😆 I had meals with my parents, watched a movie, did some art in bed, it was honestly my favourite birthday ever :) I'm so glad you had a similar experience and gave yourself rest for your birthday! 💜 happy birthday and have a lovely week! 🥳✨
Well, wasn't this just exactly the message to read as my birthday rounds the corner? Libra baby over here. You're exactly right, we abandon reality as we try to live up to some idealized version of what these dates are supposed to mean. And then, when we inevitably don't measure up to that mirage, we feel as if we are in some way deficient. Well, hooey to this. I love that this day meant honoring just what your body needed -- not cake but rest. I will be following your lead.
Sorry to clog up comments / thank you for letting me - sandra did I tell u would u remember or did I not - that oh my god, I made a save the date for my bday this year with the usual “is she okay” “is she having a britney moment and we need intervention” levels of overexplanations and under information.
THEN when the priviledged and also mixed bag of feelings came up around my dad needing to be in india over my bday weeknd and saying I could go see my grandparents and fam if I wanted -
Despite the (rightful oh so rightful) fears I always have - there was a cockroach Gate incident that confirms that I should never initiate any action ever because I started a reign of terror of literally maybe 100 giant ones relentlessly coming out of hiding due to my bright idea that I’d be les afraid to pee at night if we did the spray thing. God damn did god karma-lise me for that. Fuck.
But yeah - so - the fact that shit like that is what I am always so terrified (then ashamed of that) of AND YET AND YET SANDRA
I KNEW and I said FUCK YES TAKE ME AWAY ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF THIS HORROR SHIT SHOW I have created that I do NOT want to sweat about for five weeks -
Like I literally escaped to be personally attacked by all the roaches in Calcutta over progressing. With what yoh would think is progress of “oh how unuusuakly proactive of oishi” -
Nope nope nope. Nope fjcking nope. Whoever invented non rest for bdays as the norm - my face is questioning their judgment and also oh right selling shit Ofc . Bevause bday is freedom and surely for so many people freedom is rest and respite from even people u enjoy because what is better than reverting to ur true lizard 🦎 self and luxuriating in the fact that u are alive and living and chillin 4 u rather than oh god whatever possessed me to set up that horrific WhatsApp group (that I then did over explanations more and no one rly got it and I still burn with heart embarrassment -
And yes I am already daydreaming about making the Same mistake next year Bevause why NOT treat myself to never ending dread and social anxiety and self loathing to mark my birthday month! Make it last!
Hope u get to eat cake and whatever else u are craving soon bevaus that was the hardest part to read and also I’m very proud Bevause u did the whole listening and not rebelling to punish ur body by “freeing” it via eg bedroom flapjacks at 3am ... goals. So glad it was okay in the end and frickin love the post and getting to share in ur life and experiences of life inside and outside both xxxx HONOURED XXXX
Eeeeek sandra why am I so excited to read thoughtful deep and literally something that reflects, well, not this feeling - I’m just bloody mother loving buzzing because of the FACT that I get to read ur bday refleftions cos of how on edge of my seat iwas but didn’t wanna interrupt but also needed to know if the wriitng was readable that u had mentioned and so happy belated bday to the best of the best humans (and hope u feel allowed to rest from being the best Because u deserve to ur the only person who deserves to flash that Marilyn monroe quote haha - where u don’t need to earn ur place in this world by happening to be amazing. And just moment of acknowledgement of how that brilliance comes from so much that’s wonderful about you and also the pure shit u have been dragged thru by life whereby actually ur bestness is Bittersweet as fuck isn’t it...well. Thank u for showing up for all of me beyond wildest dreams and I am back to shameless excitement to read these purely cos ur writing is my healing xxxx
Wow, I have the same experience of birthdays!! I always ended up crying or stressed about something. I realised not only did I have high expectations, but trying to organise them was just not fun!! I always ended up overstimulated and tired trying to organise things I thought I "should" do on my birthday.
So this year I just stayed home! 😆😆 I had meals with my parents, watched a movie, did some art in bed, it was honestly my favourite birthday ever :) I'm so glad you had a similar experience and gave yourself rest for your birthday! 💜 happy birthday and have a lovely week! 🥳✨
Well, wasn't this just exactly the message to read as my birthday rounds the corner? Libra baby over here. You're exactly right, we abandon reality as we try to live up to some idealized version of what these dates are supposed to mean. And then, when we inevitably don't measure up to that mirage, we feel as if we are in some way deficient. Well, hooey to this. I love that this day meant honoring just what your body needed -- not cake but rest. I will be following your lead.
Sorry to clog up comments / thank you for letting me - sandra did I tell u would u remember or did I not - that oh my god, I made a save the date for my bday this year with the usual “is she okay” “is she having a britney moment and we need intervention” levels of overexplanations and under information.
THEN when the priviledged and also mixed bag of feelings came up around my dad needing to be in india over my bday weeknd and saying I could go see my grandparents and fam if I wanted -
Despite the (rightful oh so rightful) fears I always have - there was a cockroach Gate incident that confirms that I should never initiate any action ever because I started a reign of terror of literally maybe 100 giant ones relentlessly coming out of hiding due to my bright idea that I’d be les afraid to pee at night if we did the spray thing. God damn did god karma-lise me for that. Fuck.
But yeah - so - the fact that shit like that is what I am always so terrified (then ashamed of that) of AND YET AND YET SANDRA
I KNEW and I said FUCK YES TAKE ME AWAY ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF THIS HORROR SHIT SHOW I have created that I do NOT want to sweat about for five weeks -
Like I literally escaped to be personally attacked by all the roaches in Calcutta over progressing. With what yoh would think is progress of “oh how unuusuakly proactive of oishi” -
Nope nope nope. Nope fjcking nope. Whoever invented non rest for bdays as the norm - my face is questioning their judgment and also oh right selling shit Ofc . Bevause bday is freedom and surely for so many people freedom is rest and respite from even people u enjoy because what is better than reverting to ur true lizard 🦎 self and luxuriating in the fact that u are alive and living and chillin 4 u rather than oh god whatever possessed me to set up that horrific WhatsApp group (that I then did over explanations more and no one rly got it and I still burn with heart embarrassment -
And yes I am already daydreaming about making the Same mistake next year Bevause why NOT treat myself to never ending dread and social anxiety and self loathing to mark my birthday month! Make it last!
Hope u get to eat cake and whatever else u are craving soon bevaus that was the hardest part to read and also I’m very proud Bevause u did the whole listening and not rebelling to punish ur body by “freeing” it via eg bedroom flapjacks at 3am ... goals. So glad it was okay in the end and frickin love the post and getting to share in ur life and experiences of life inside and outside both xxxx HONOURED XXXX
Eeeeek sandra why am I so excited to read thoughtful deep and literally something that reflects, well, not this feeling - I’m just bloody mother loving buzzing because of the FACT that I get to read ur bday refleftions cos of how on edge of my seat iwas but didn’t wanna interrupt but also needed to know if the wriitng was readable that u had mentioned and so happy belated bday to the best of the best humans (and hope u feel allowed to rest from being the best Because u deserve to ur the only person who deserves to flash that Marilyn monroe quote haha - where u don’t need to earn ur place in this world by happening to be amazing. And just moment of acknowledgement of how that brilliance comes from so much that’s wonderful about you and also the pure shit u have been dragged thru by life whereby actually ur bestness is Bittersweet as fuck isn’t it...well. Thank u for showing up for all of me beyond wildest dreams and I am back to shameless excitement to read these purely cos ur writing is my healing xxxx